I Am Not a Cookie Cutter... Taking a Look at My Body Image and Self Worth

One reason I started this blog was because I wanted to keep myself on track to getting fit.  I thought that having a blog would make me responsible to keep up with working out.  Another reason I started this blog is because I wanted people to see that sometimes there are setbacks on the journey.

Well I have failed you in a way because this summer I have had set backs and I did not blog because of that. I feel like I have disappointed you by not being true to myself.  A part of me wanted to be this super fit, super skinny woman that got there fast and easy, but the truth is it is an up and down roller coaster ride for me.

I took a step back from fitness in the summer because I was becoming obsessed about this "perfect body image" that the media has put out.  It was not good for me.  I was losing myself, so I had to take a break.

Let's talk about body image for a minute.  When I started this fitness journey, I told myself "I just want to get fit. I want to look good in the clothes I have. I don't want to squeeze into my jeans anymore. I want that muffin top gone." But there was a part of me that thought: "I want to look like this":

or this:

And the truth is these are unrealistic goals for me to have.  I am 5'1". I will never loo like these women.
But for some reason the media is constantly telling me I have to be super skinny, or I am worthless.  I have let myself believe I am worthless because I don't look this way. (I know I am not worthless, but the more I read about women getting these great bodies super fast, or saw people who were naturally skinny, the more I fell into a hole thinking I could never look like them so what's the point?)

Photoshop is used so often in magazines.  Photoshopped photos give an illusion of these perfect bodies that don't exist.  The other day I saw these skinny dancers with the back crease (you know what I am talking about) and it made me so happy. I believe that all photos in the magazines like OK, People, Cozmo, ect. photoshop their photos, because I never see that back crease on skinny people in those magazines.  Why in this day and age do we strive for these impossible bodies? I am not saying it is impossible to be thin and fit. I'm saying that these celebrities don't even have the bodies they show off in photos.  Let's take a look at some photoshopped pictures.

Ok, so tell me why this already skinny model had to be photoshopped? It is obvious that her waist was made to be teeny tiny, but she is already small!  I would love to have the body in the first picture. The second picture says "Give, up Kate. It's never going to happen so don't even try."

I would rather see something real than something fake.  Yes, Penelope Cruz doesn't have a perfect model body, but she is still fit and thin.  I look at the picture on the left and think "she seems very likable.  I would want to be like her." I look at the picture on the right and think "I hate you, you perfect skinny b****!"

This woman is beautiful even without the photoshop.  And she is realistic to me.  As a mom of two with stretch marks and scars, I know I can't ever look like that picture on the right.  But on the left you can see she is fit, and really thin. That is probably what my stomach would look like once I thinned out.

If I hadn't seen the original photos, I would be so discouraged by the photoshopped photos.  Now I know I am not trying to get fit so I can wear a bikini and show off my body, but I still want to look good, you know?

I feel like the media shows us these cookie cutter women --tall, skinny, beautiful, and how can you compare? Well I am NOT a cookie cutter, and I want to be different. I don't want to look the same as these women, I want to look like me!

I made a decision to stop looking at magazines because they were bringing me down.  This time around I am going to get fit to be healthy and happy, not to look like a supermodel (by the way models are like at least 5'9". A "petite" model is around 5'7").  I had to realize that I have a more old fashioned body.  I am short, with a short torso, and short legs! Hahaha.  I have that hourglass shape. Since having kids my hips are wider than they used to be. So I need to be realistic to my body shape.

I am back to weighing 151 again and I am okay with that, for now.  I don't want to focus too much on the number anymore. Who said the number was important, anyways? Who decided that how much you weighed was more important than how you look and feel in your clothes.  I'll tell you something.  According to whatever chart is at the doctor's office I am borderline obese. But if you know me, I don't look obese, do I? I am 20 pounds heavier that the "fattest" that I should be in my weight range. Yeah, I could stand to lose 20 pounds, but if I focus on the numbers I will be super depressed if I don't see it go down.  The truth is, when I was losing weight earlier in the year I was looking really good but I wasn't at pre-baby weight.  I just want to fit comfortably in my clothes and look in the mirror and think "dang girl, you look good!"

No more looking at skinny women and dreaming of their bodies.  No more feeling down in the dumps because I can't just snap my fingers and be teeny tiny.  It is time to take charge of my body, mentally and physically! It is time to wake up every morning, look at myself in the mirror and love myself!

I am ready to be back and blogging again. I am ready to continue my journey.

-Kate